Friday, September 13, 2013

Chewing on Empty Calories...

Its 10:44am and I’m incessantly chomping down on my gum typing 90 mph. All I know at this moment in time is my gum is rapidly becoming stale, I’m irritated and I want to shoot myself in the foot for where I am today. Most days I’m pretty happy where I am in life. Despite all my challenges and missed opportunities I am grateful for the person I am today. I still have much to accomplish and become. However, I’m exhausting myself thinking about how much I just didn't do or perhaps simply fucked up in my 20’s. I know hindsight is 20/20 and it’s keeping your eyes on the prize that matters.

I just resent wasted time. I resent not trying harder in school and finding a better job. I resent my demons that taxed so much of my mind and body that there is an ongoing extensive rehab project. I should have saved more. I should have learned more. I should have worked more. I should have loved more. My quarter-life crisis grew into a full-fledged kindergartner and then one day it just simply missed the bus. As abruptly as those days were over I discovered a new compounding cluster of obscurity emerged.  I think I found myself moving forward through a continuous haboob. Luckily, much has cleared up but somewhere near is the clarity I’m so eagerly searching for now.

Through much of my resentment and hindsight I found passion again. I realized the power of passion and how greatly it impacts our existence. I came to his write this blog to seek clarity and calmness. The key strike is slower and lighter. I need to stop existing to get through the days, but instead fuel my passion to create powerful days com-busting with love, positivity, compassion and purpose. I figure my existence on this earth is validated by one single act a day; if I can help or make one person smile the validity of my purpose is solidified. I've simplified it to those terms and I think it works. 

Starting each day with a simplistic positive attitude enriches the rest of our day.  I've learned the recipe for happiness in life is truly about making the most of one day at a time and helping one person at a time. Michael Jackson did leave us one of the powerful messages before his early departure to start with the man in the mirror and make that change. I know the song is so cliche but speaks volumes of truth. It starts from within and ripples outward. The universe knew what it was doing when energy was created. I truly believe in the law of attraction: what you put out will multiply when it comes back to you. Catch a ripple and pass it on. In fact ride the ripple and you’ll find yourself surfing bigger waves of positivity and happiness.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Happy FATanniversary!

We must celebrate our past of victories and success in life no matter how big or small the feat. I've been celebrating my weight loss/lifestyle change since 2005. I walked into a Columbus, Ohio Weight Watchers on February 11, 2005. My mother had offered to pay to get me started. She had wanted me to start right after the new year but I couldn't dare deal with all those women lined up like a Christmas shopping rush ready to lose weight. I waited until the dust settled. Week by week my mother urged me to go. I went on a Tuesday and ran out crying but determined. I wasn't my heaviest but I was obese and it hurt, literally.

Every year I celebrate in my own little way. All year long I realize I beat myself up and I am truly my own critic. It takes me looking at my before picture to really put things in perspective. Today, I made myself up putting on my most expensive red lipstick (MAC) and took my time looking at myself in the mirror not once criticizing the woman staring me back. I thought I would lose weight and be done with that part of my life and that's it. I've found that's not the case and it's a lifestyle change and it takes work and I'm nowhere done. I've got so much to do.

If I could tell my 27 year old self what to expect I would tell her what I tell everyone so...
I'll compile a list:
  • Starting is the hardest part. 
  • Fear will cripple and destroy you. Fear nothing. 
  • My grandmother had in her classroom, "If at first you don't succeed...try try try again."
  • It won't be easy. Giving up is harder. 
  • Don't expect change overnight. 
  • Expect to fall down. Get back up. 
  • There will be bad days. They are necessary. 
  • Love yourself no matter. 
  • People will critique you and call you names. 
  • People will EXPECT you to FAIL. 
  • You can do it on your own. 
  • Keep running. It will get easier. 
  • Keep running. Get a good sports bra. You will run half marathons. You will run faster than you did as a kid. 
  • Failure is not an option.
  • Take your health seriously like it's your job. 
  • You are the only person holding you back from achieving your goals. 
  • There are NO EXCUSES. 
  • YOU are never finished. 

I lost two extraordinary women growing up. They barely made it to my current age. My cousin dropped dead of an enlarged heart. I wonder if she would have taken better care of herself and taken her health seriously would she still be here today to see her grandchildren?

I value my time here on earth and how I'm still here so I need to honor my health. So, if I could comfort myself back on February 11, 2005, I would sit next to me in the car hand over some tissues and simply say, "DON'T STOP."