Friday, September 13, 2013

Chewing on Empty Calories...

Its 10:44am and I’m incessantly chomping down on my gum typing 90 mph. All I know at this moment in time is my gum is rapidly becoming stale, I’m irritated and I want to shoot myself in the foot for where I am today. Most days I’m pretty happy where I am in life. Despite all my challenges and missed opportunities I am grateful for the person I am today. I still have much to accomplish and become. However, I’m exhausting myself thinking about how much I just didn't do or perhaps simply fucked up in my 20’s. I know hindsight is 20/20 and it’s keeping your eyes on the prize that matters.

I just resent wasted time. I resent not trying harder in school and finding a better job. I resent my demons that taxed so much of my mind and body that there is an ongoing extensive rehab project. I should have saved more. I should have learned more. I should have worked more. I should have loved more. My quarter-life crisis grew into a full-fledged kindergartner and then one day it just simply missed the bus. As abruptly as those days were over I discovered a new compounding cluster of obscurity emerged.  I think I found myself moving forward through a continuous haboob. Luckily, much has cleared up but somewhere near is the clarity I’m so eagerly searching for now.

Through much of my resentment and hindsight I found passion again. I realized the power of passion and how greatly it impacts our existence. I came to his write this blog to seek clarity and calmness. The key strike is slower and lighter. I need to stop existing to get through the days, but instead fuel my passion to create powerful days com-busting with love, positivity, compassion and purpose. I figure my existence on this earth is validated by one single act a day; if I can help or make one person smile the validity of my purpose is solidified. I've simplified it to those terms and I think it works. 

Starting each day with a simplistic positive attitude enriches the rest of our day.  I've learned the recipe for happiness in life is truly about making the most of one day at a time and helping one person at a time. Michael Jackson did leave us one of the powerful messages before his early departure to start with the man in the mirror and make that change. I know the song is so cliche but speaks volumes of truth. It starts from within and ripples outward. The universe knew what it was doing when energy was created. I truly believe in the law of attraction: what you put out will multiply when it comes back to you. Catch a ripple and pass it on. In fact ride the ripple and you’ll find yourself surfing bigger waves of positivity and happiness.


Kristen Marie (Kryss) Shane, MSW, LSW, LMSW said...

It's sad on the surface to read about the drops of tears metaphorically happening in your current life moments, but sadder still to realize that you don't recognize all of the things happening under the surface; all of the rip tides and currents you've created in the people around you.

So many drowning people have breathed again because of you, so many people barely keeping their head above water found courage to hop back on their surf boards by watching you, and so many learn to swim before they end up in such perils based on the tales you tell of things you wish you'd done differently.

I don't ever mean to minimize the teardrops falling, don't get me wrong, but I won't ever stop hoping that someday, instead of you watching the rest of the ocean, you'll finally realize you're one hell of a tidal wave.

Junebug said...

I really loved this blog entry. I share a lot of the same feelings, being a fat 27-year old that ought to have channeled her potential better in the early 20s. You are not alone, and you are definitely doing better than most of us out there. Go you!