"There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure." ~ Colin Powell
So it's been a while since I've blogged and I'm trying to figure out the key to success in losing weight or rather key to not fail by gaining weight. One in the same? I was beyond frustrated after training for my first half marathon and not losing significant weight. I felt as thought I should have lost about 25lbs. I lost maybe 10. After 5 months of an average of 3 hour workout days I caught a burn out. Big time! I was working out the equivalent of a part time job. I thought I could be my own little big loser and just workout all day long and lose the rest of my weight and become 10 lbs away from unlocking my weight watchers lock.
And no I proved myself wrong. While I drastically improved my running and built up stamina I still resembled the same chubby image I've been staring at since the 90's. I should be proud since I couldn't even run a mile in the physical test in high school. I guess I'm still proud and no one can take that away from me. But I don't look like runner. Over the summer I said something that I would have ran the rest of the way but it's too hot and some guy said he didn't think couldn't run around the block and laughed. Really I ran about 400 miles in 6 months but I couldn't run around the block? I guess it shouldn't matter what others say but I felt as thought I still look like failure. And then there's my friends who lose 10lbs and barely try. Seriously?! Was I born cursed?
I started my weight loss journey five years ago and while I have not gained it all back, I have gained back around 20lbs. Which has been my highest weight gain. Usually I gain and lose about the same 10-15lbs every year and torture myself with gym addictions, dieting and utilizing my weight watchers key learnings. I dread going home because I'm always sized up like either a prized beauty queen or fat kid who failed at fat camp. This past 6 months I started traveling and just didn't have the time to invest or energy in my usual 2 hour gym workouts. And trust me anyone would get tired eating salads everyday or sometimes salads were not an option. I still ran and hit up a few hotel gyms but not my usual routine. After my first 6months of the year with my biggest loser challenge and half marathon training failed my expectations I have seriously lost motivation and determination. I mean would you want a part time job working out and not getting paid? Like seriously what the hell do I have to do to get to a healthy average weight where I don't look chunky?!
I vowed to never be a pound over 200lbs ever again or have to buy another size up wardrobe and I'm still committed. Don't get me wrong I limit my fast food and I love eating healthy. Not all fat people eat junk. We cook healthy and work out. Just ask any friend I cook for. I crave veggies and I hate greasy oil foods with the exception of McDonald's french fries which I blame on childhood addiction. Once ingested at an early age it's a lifelong addiction....ok kidding lol. Sweets are my weakness and a struggle!
I don't know why my weight plagues my sanity and the key to my happiness? I know I shouldn't let it but I still feel like that chubby girl in high school not sure how to run a mile and fearing a grade of failure. Will I ever make the grade and be happy with it?